A nutzo few days..

So, Wednesday was the day my poor 'old man' Jack got sick. My sweet, sweet boyfriend was with me by my side as my parents, he, and I took him to the hospital. He held my hand and let me know that no matter what was happening or what was to happen, he's there. In such an awful situation, I think I found a pretty bright light. He's been the light in numerous situations lately, actually. Thursday was a blur. I think I was in a rotten mood. But, It was family night.. which was nice. We all sat out on the porch and made plans to have a bonfire next weekend. We're even doing fireworks. And my sister and her boyfriend are coming home to visit. I don't know what we're celebrating.. Life.. I guess. Friday I had to leave my internship site (which by the way is the absolute number one thing I hate in my life and every day when I wake up I dread it and want to quit so so bad) early to meet my dad so that we could say our last good-byes to Jack. As the doctor was about to give him more pain medicine, my dad decided he looked way too miserable, and stopped it. I imagine that was one of the hardest things he's ever had to do. Jack and dad were extremely close. Dad and I both had to leave the room and we cried in the waiting area/lobby together. An elderly fellow gave us his regrets and mentioned that he just lost his wife of 52 years and was now having to make the decision to put down the dog they both loved together for 12 years. (Sometimes, I think i'm selfish. Life is hard. Even when it's easy, it's hard.. if that makes sense. But people out there.. So many of them, have it so much worse than I do. Yet, I still cry and complain and hate waking up most mornings. All because of my silly job? Really? It's not even worth this... Anyways.. That's not the point. ADD moment, right there..) The Doctor told my dad that he'd carry Jack out to the car for us (Dad opted to bury him at home because it was cheaper and I guess he likes the idea that he's in the back yard along with our other lost one, Pepper.) Watching him carry out that big black trash bag, held like a baby was the dumbest thing i've done. The imagine keeps playing in my head. 12 years ago, when Pepper died, I saw a big bag over him in our front yard. (We had a previous vacation planned and he got sick so we asked our neighbor to watch out for him, so he took care of him the way he knew how to.) When my Granny Joyce died almost 4 years ago now, My sister told me to not watch them carry her away. That the site of the body bag being strolled out to a big van would haunt me. I watched anyway. And still, 4 years later, when something awful happens.. I imagine that. This makes three imagines I have now. What's up with big black bags? Why are the so haunting? As a firm believer in at least the fact that there is a heavenly afterlife, I know that their souls are not in those bodies that are in those big black bags. So, why does it hurt so much? I feel like i'm grieving and going through so much.
When I got home (I chose not to get in more hours at my interns.. because I do hate AND I was just too upset.) I took and nap and woke up with a god awful sickness! I have no idea what went wrong. I was throwing up constantly and slept for 16 hours. I was fine for most of the day Saturday, so I spent some time with my boyfriend and my best friend, Erica.. Then, with my awesome (catch sarcasm) luck, started feeling sick again. I felt awful! They had to be bored to death. Will went to get me sprite and got me out of the house for a minute or two, and after Erica left he just laid with me for hours on end and watched my favorite movies with me. He never once complained or acted bored at all. He even looked through my old scrapbooks with me and tucked me in when he had to leave. We learned even more about each other last night.. And Yes, I have fallen even harder. There's no turning around now. I have found HIM. Today was a better day, physically. I cleaned up the house. It smells amazing. And put up fall decorations. I'm finally able to eat more than a half a meal every 24 hours. I hate Sundays. They are way too close to Mondays! I'm hoping soo bad that this week is FAAAAAAST. Next weekend is going to be amazing! I'm so excited.