My life has been like a roller coaster lately. Actually, I think my life has always kind of been a roller coaster. But, this one was different. It wasn't the Cannon Ball at Lake Winnie like usual. It wasn't even the Mystery Mine at DollyWood. MAYBE the Tennessee Tornado. But, probably more so like the Dare Devil Dive at Six Flags over Georgia. A 95 degree drop from ten stories, 3 corkscrews, and spinning upside down. So fast and so unexpected. It leaves you not really even knowing what just happened. You feel sick. But alive. Just barely. The good thing about a roller coaster so extreme, is that it's over quickly. And sometimes before you even get on it, you may be lucky to have prepared yourself enough so that it doesn't affect you as much. But, still, the ground after the roller coaster feels like Heaven. That was my life about 3 months ago. Except for a roller coaster, It was real life. I was luckily prepared, so the aftermath wasn't nearly as bad as what most people would expect and understand of me. And instead of the ground, it was the arms of many loved ones. I only cried over a period of two days. Not even two whole days. I cried for about two hours straight when I first learned my suspicions were true. Then I cried for about thirty minutes the next day. No one understood that I just needed to deal with this the only way how. I didn't feel the need or desire to sit down in my room all alone and cry and pity myself. I didn't need 75 text messages a day making sure I was okay. I wasn't dying, I didn't want to be treated so. I wanted to go driving. I wanted to get knocked out pretty and go out on the town with the girls. I wanted to play games, see movies, go to concerts, get my hair done, buy all new clothes, go to school, learn a new trade, pimp out my car. I wanted to do whatever I could to wash away my past and put my right foot forward into my new future. And that's exactly what I did.
My life is completely different than that of what it was three months ago. I don't know what happened to me. If this roller coaster/ 360 degree turn around would've happened any sooner, I would probably be dead now. I wouldn't have been able to recover from such a thing. I don't know what helped me or what washed over me and made me new. I've never been so strong in my life. I was able to go through these challenges with a smile on my face and all of the hope, faith, and love I had in my heart before things ever 'hit the fan' If not more.
It's weird to me, now, that what was probably one of- if not THE- worst thing i've ever had to endure, is probably the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I'm thankful everyday that I climbed these mountains, jumped these hurdles, swam these oceans, crossed these bridges, crawled under these wires, and punched through all the concrete. I'm noticing now that EVERY thing we go through gets us to where we are and where we end up. And I think we're all happy in the end. (I believe if you're not happy, it isn't over.) So, while the pain and suffering may make you want to die and give up at the time.. One day you WILL see the good in it all. To every cloud, there is a silver lining.
Also, don't ever EVER EVER depend on people to give you closure. People are too selfish. Life will give you more closure that people ever could, anyway. Don't sit around waiting for good things to happen. You have to find them yourself. You HAVE to keep moving. There are no options. Just. Keep. On. Keeping. On.
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