The leaves are falling like they're falling in love with the ground, and I.. Fall in love with you.

My weekend was beyond perfect. My sister and her fiance' came in town and we just celebrated life all weekend long. I wouldn't have changed anything except for the fact it has to end now. I've never been so happy in my life..
Pictures are worth more words than I can type so... Here ya go :)

A nutzo few days..

So, Wednesday was the day my poor 'old man' Jack got sick. My sweet, sweet boyfriend was with me by my side as my parents, he, and I took him to the hospital. He held my hand and let me know that no matter what was happening or what was to happen, he's there. In such an awful situation, I think I found a pretty bright light. He's been the light in numerous situations lately, actually. Thursday was a blur. I think I was in a rotten mood. But, It was family night.. which was nice. We all sat out on the porch and made plans to have a bonfire next weekend. We're even doing fireworks. And my sister and her boyfriend are coming home to visit. I don't know what we're celebrating.. Life.. I guess. Friday I had to leave my internship site (which by the way is the absolute number one thing I hate in my life and every day when I wake up I dread it and want to quit so so bad) early to meet my dad so that we could say our last good-byes to Jack. As the doctor was about to give him more pain medicine, my dad decided he looked way too miserable, and stopped it. I imagine that was one of the hardest things he's ever had to do. Jack and dad were extremely close. Dad and I both had to leave the room and we cried in the waiting area/lobby together. An elderly fellow gave us his regrets and mentioned that he just lost his wife of 52 years and was now having to make the decision to put down the dog they both loved together for 12 years. (Sometimes, I think i'm selfish. Life is hard. Even when it's easy, it's hard.. if that makes sense. But people out there.. So many of them, have it so much worse than I do. Yet, I still cry and complain and hate waking up most mornings. All because of my silly job? Really? It's not even worth this... Anyways.. That's not the point. ADD moment, right there..) The Doctor told my dad that he'd carry Jack out to the car for us (Dad opted to bury him at home because it was cheaper and I guess he likes the idea that he's in the back yard along with our other lost one, Pepper.) Watching him carry out that big black trash bag, held like a baby was the dumbest thing i've done. The imagine keeps playing in my head. 12 years ago, when Pepper died, I saw a big bag over him in our front yard. (We had a previous vacation planned and he got sick so we asked our neighbor to watch out for him, so he took care of him the way he knew how to.) When my Granny Joyce died almost 4 years ago now, My sister told me to not watch them carry her away. That the site of the body bag being strolled out to a big van would haunt me. I watched anyway. And still, 4 years later, when something awful happens.. I imagine that. This makes three imagines I have now. What's up with big black bags? Why are the so haunting? As a firm believer in at least the fact that there is a heavenly afterlife, I know that their souls are not in those bodies that are in those big black bags. So, why does it hurt so much? I feel like i'm grieving and going through so much.
When I got home (I chose not to get in more hours at my interns.. because I do hate AND I was just too upset.) I took and nap and woke up with a god awful sickness! I have no idea what went wrong. I was throwing up constantly and slept for 16 hours. I was fine for most of the day Saturday, so I spent some time with my boyfriend and my best friend, Erica.. Then, with my awesome (catch sarcasm) luck, started feeling sick again. I felt awful! They had to be bored to death. Will went to get me sprite and got me out of the house for a minute or two, and after Erica left he just laid with me for hours on end and watched my favorite movies with me. He never once complained or acted bored at all. He even looked through my old scrapbooks with me and tucked me in when he had to leave. We learned even more about each other last night.. And Yes, I have fallen even harder. There's no turning around now. I have found HIM. Today was a better day, physically. I cleaned up the house. It smells amazing. And put up fall decorations. I'm finally able to eat more than a half a meal every 24 hours. I hate Sundays. They are way too close to Mondays! I'm hoping soo bad that this week is FAAAAAAST. Next weekend is going to be amazing! I'm so excited.

So, just go on home.. If that's what's best for you.

Our family dog of 11 years, Jack is very sick. No one seems to think he'll be around much longer. I'm not positive that's true, because this isn't the first time he's given us a scare. But, for some reason.. this does feel like it. He seems so different this time. I feel more hurt. I hate these stupid shitty happenings.. that keep on happening. I hate this so much.

Life's crazy curve balls.

My life has been like a roller coaster lately. Actually, I think my life has always kind of been a roller coaster. But, this one was different. It wasn't the Cannon Ball at Lake Winnie like usual. It wasn't even the Mystery Mine at DollyWood. MAYBE the Tennessee Tornado. But, probably more so like the Dare Devil Dive at Six Flags over Georgia. A 95 degree drop from ten stories, 3 corkscrews, and spinning upside down. So fast and so unexpected. It leaves you not really even knowing what just happened. You feel sick. But alive. Just barely. The good thing about a roller coaster so extreme, is that it's over quickly. And sometimes before you even get on it, you may be lucky to have prepared yourself enough so that it doesn't affect you as much. But, still, the ground after the roller coaster feels like Heaven. That was my life about 3 months ago. Except for a roller coaster, It was real life. I was luckily prepared, so the aftermath wasn't nearly as bad as what most people would expect and understand of me. And instead of the ground, it was the arms of many loved ones. I only cried over a period of two days. Not even two whole days. I cried for about two hours straight when I first learned my suspicions were true. Then I cried for about thirty minutes the next day. No one understood that I just needed to deal with this the only way how. I didn't feel the need or desire to sit down in my room all alone and cry and pity myself. I didn't need 75 text messages a day making sure I was okay. I wasn't dying, I didn't want to be treated so. I wanted to go driving. I wanted to get knocked out pretty and go out on the town with the girls. I wanted to play games, see movies, go to concerts, get my hair done, buy all new clothes, go to school, learn a new trade, pimp out my car. I wanted to do whatever I could to wash away my past and  put my right foot forward into my new future. And that's exactly what I did.
My life is completely different than that of what it was three months ago. I don't know what happened to me. If this roller coaster/ 360 degree turn around would've happened any sooner, I would probably be dead now. I wouldn't have been able to recover from such a thing. I don't know what helped me or what washed over me and made me new. I've never been so strong in my life. I was able to go through these challenges with a smile on my face and all of the hope, faith, and love I had in my heart before things ever 'hit the fan' If not more.
It's weird to me, now, that what was probably one of- if not THE- worst thing i've ever had to endure, is probably the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I'm thankful everyday that I climbed these mountains, jumped these hurdles, swam these oceans, crossed these bridges, crawled under these wires, and punched through all the concrete. I'm noticing now that EVERY thing we go through gets us to where we are and where we end up. And I think we're all happy in the end. (I believe if you're not happy, it isn't over.) So, while the pain and suffering may make you want to die and give up at the time.. One day you WILL see the good in it all. To every cloud, there is a silver lining.
Also, don't ever EVER EVER depend on people to give you closure. People are too selfish. Life will give you more closure that people ever could, anyway. Don't sit around waiting for good things to happen. You have to find them yourself. You HAVE to keep moving. There are no options. Just. Keep. On. Keeping. On.

Hello.

 So, I have a tumblr. But, my friend, Erica, has one of these and I think it'd be nice to keep up with each other. (Not that we don't anyway.. I don't know. Maybe I'm just bored and need something new.)

I'm Alliea. I've lived in the same house for all of my nineteen years. I'm a medical assisting student.. and it's probably not what i'll be doing with my life in 5 years. I'm still figuring out, well, pretty much everything. My life has taken a few crazy turns the past three-ish months.. Which I'm sure i'll blog plenty about later. It's so weird that the absolute worst times in our life lead to the absolute best times. Ever notice that? Anyways, I have the absolute most beautiful family and some heaven-sent friends. Ashley and Erica are my angels. There isn't a day that I am not thankful for them. My man is.. new. And treats me like a queen. It's so crazy to me. I've never known anything like him.. I didn't even know guys like him existed. I truly mean that. My nephews light up my world. My mom is my best friend. My big brother is my hero. And that's pretty much my life right there. I couldn't ask for things to get better. I'm not even sure they could. Sooo many more adventure stories to come! :)